I walked in 2021 believing this year is a better year. Things choose to happened differently. For the very moment in my life, I have no control over it at all. I do a plan, do it again, and do it again just to fit the circumstances and help myself. Every light that I happened to fire, there will comes a wind blows it away.
My best companion, the person that I love dearly in my heart leaving for good and only time and time alone will bring us as one or to an end. Despite of our abundance plans, Allah plan is better, much better than our limited human thinking.
Its been more than half year I couldn't see the shininess of my mom's eyes, and hear the warm words of my dad. This pandemic leaving most of us with no choice but to just stay inside. I miss going to work and my daily conversation with the people I met. I miss the chirping birds from the narrow road I used to cycling every weekend. I miss the noise of the city. I miss the laughs of my friends. I don't want to bring myself to the point of hopeless even I need to wake up every morning doing the exact same thing as yesterday.
The sunlight from where I wake up should lightening my day but, it's become rather grey.
—I wish for a good news. At least just one good news.
Despite of trapped in this small caves, I find the beauty of waiting and hoping. I cannot wait for what Allah had prepared for me in my future.
People might left me, but Allah might gonna make us meet again in such a beautiful way. Even so, I'm taking all the good from that person, I cannot thank enough for how much that specific person changes me and because of that person, I find a better me, a stronger version of myself and I had this "new me". This new me that I believe ready enough to be brings goodness to everyone that will cross my path.
I cannot wait to meet my family and celebrate. Distance make me exhaustedly appreciate the time I had with them so so much more. I cannot wait the day I will be back to my business. I cannot wait to find a new house and make it as much as I want it to be for myself. This loneliness make me know myself more. This loneliness make me love myself more. This loneliness correcting my path of what I should be. I cannot wait for moment we can make a step and move a little bit further, when all of our step will no longer be restrict and to that point I already travel the world.
For Allah is the most hearing.
فَإِنَّ مَعَ ٱلْعُسْرِ يُسْرًا
So verily, with the hardship, there is relief (94:5)
T.